Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize