K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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