he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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