I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
