you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
