By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
