Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize