I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
