he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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