and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
All the doctor said was why
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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