her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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