I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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