Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
