This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
