He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
