She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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