so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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