Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
