for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
