someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I will pee on everything he values.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
