You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
