So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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