It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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