u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
