You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize