3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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