so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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