you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
