I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
