You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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