Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
