speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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