your parents love me but you hate me
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
