I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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