If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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