Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
