TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
