I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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