I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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