Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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