do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I know her cup size but not her name....
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