How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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