I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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