i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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