At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
