If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You can't just leave with hair like that
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
