and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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