It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
