WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
