Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
