I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
