Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
