Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
bring money and cleavage
Just invented taco cereal.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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