I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
