Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
