I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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