he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
