sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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