I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
