I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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