My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
