I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
