well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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