you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
