I'm so fucking centered right now
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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